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I had comletely forgtoten that i was reading that book until I saw the post just now. I stopped taking the buss because of later shift and i havent returned to it since then. However, since quitting my other job i do find myself much m uch happier. There is less stress to get the schedkes coordinated and having to do double hsifts and sch is gone. Ther are no dog tired weekn\eds of me having to work 2 jobs for 2-3 or even 4 days in a row becing exhausted and or mentlly drained and taking it out on my coworkers. Now I am free to reax and actually get things done at home. I should find that book again and start reading it again. I have no idea where I  left off but maybe I can find it in the Kindle Universa.

I havent ad mch experiance with death. Only one really scaring incident when I was 11 with my father. Now  my mothers husband passed 2 days after hi mother passed away. So here we are in Oregan gong to the funeralfor Lois. Taveling with my moother and sister. So far so good but then again we just got here.My brain would not let me sleep. So of course i onlt got 3.5 hours of sleep and then couldnt sleep on the plane cause i didnt bring my neck pillow so i wasnt all akward on the plane and then I gavemom my sweater to lean on to sleep and yeah.Just read the hole time and nowhere we are waiting to go to a pizza dinner thing at someone houes. I am trying not to let my anxiety get to me but we shall see how things go. ddly enought I hope there is a dog there at this persons house so that way i have something to easily distract myself. I am regretting not bringing my knitting but then again that invites people to come talk to me which is alwas annoying. I wish there was a sign i could ...

Why does something so stupid like wanting to go to a vape shop and getting some parts and juice make me want to cry. Cause i feel like they are going to be al like "look at this dumb girl who doesn't know shit with her busted ass vape." Ive had  his urge as of late to vape again. I have one, I am stressed the fuck out. Recently I realized that i HAVE to work more in order to pay rent and bills and catch up on the 5k+ in back rent I owe. I feel like a Dbag for not even covering the bills portion of said rent but at least i apologized. Whether or not my rommie APPRECIATED THAT is a whole other question... so anyways. I have done some online resesrch into pricing but i have always been a Veruca Salt about things. I want it now so I am going to go and get it. When you figure I will have worked 48 hours this week and next week  is already schedule a 54 i would say that i work hard for my money and I have earned it. Yes it is not in the budget but as Rory Gilmore once sai...

so about 2 years ago i started reading this bok i found at work called The Happiness Project by Gretchen B. She goes though a year in her life and starts in January with her project of how to be happier in her life and how to appreciate thing more. I picked it up again and started reading it on the bus. Another great side effect of taking the bus is i get to read more. Its harder and harder to knit on the bus because i have to pack it in my backpack and then depending on the size of the project it get complicated. So reading is it for me. It also saves me from mindlessly scrolling though face ook and instagram for a couple hours out of my life, but at home it has the added benefit of not staring at a TV for many many hours. So anyways...... I have always struggled with my own happiness. I dont know if i have ever truely been happy. I was going to erase that sentence because i thought to myself that i have been happy but in different ways. There is the elation i get from working at t...

My life has been very interesting lately. Recently I read an article about how childhood neglect causes all these things that are actually relevant to me. It was a very interesting thing to realize that this thing from my childhood had a name and there were common things that came from it. The only thing I can not figure out is how to deal with it and fix things in my head. I have always been more self aware than most but at the same time I also block a lot out as well as not paying attention to things. I don't know how to better pay attention to things in my life so that I can remember simple things like coworkers names and such. I simply do not pay attention to their name tags. I also have this huge anxiety issue that i feel is growing out of control in some ways. Minor things, like where i have to park for work had to change and that freaked me the fuck out. I did know where the lot was but i didn't know how long it would take to find a spot and i didn't have my usua...

So I am trying to be more aware of things and remember to do things. and basically just be a better person all around. I am trying to take more responsibility for things. for instance doing thr cat litter on the regular. i was dependng on Anthon to do this because well lets be frank, he didnt have a job. so of course i expected him to do all these house hold things because i was working my ass off. I didn have the time or energy to do anything. Now that Disney is slowing down a little, like i am only working 2 days this week and next, and I am gong to limit myself at michaels for the ske of my goddamn sanity. althhough we do need money, no job is worth loosing my shit over. I am tired and exhausted and all i want to do is lay there like a motionless bean and not think about or do ANYTHING!! Things have been going better financialy. I am getting caught up on bills msotly. I forgot to pay a couple of them last month but i went ahead and set up payments for future dates. Today is my 2nd...

loads and loads of things going on including but not limited to rent being ASTROFREAKINGNOMCAL this month. Somehow the household utilities are 700 freaking dollars. I dont know how. I am however glad that the roommates are gong to go away for about a weekor so.I am hoping that they catch the camping fever again and they come home to load up and go back out again soon. There are somethings i need to work on like cleaning out the living room but also they have a lot of shit lying around to but she likes to guilt me nto feeling like shit because my stuff is everywhere. Anthony doesn't want me to just shove everything in the office a.k.a his space because they=n he can't use it as often. buuuuut for now i have to do it to get it out of the way and just make the living room in general feel better. there is 4 4 ft christmas trees on the porch along with other assorted xmas decorations that I am sure will not be taken care of before they go. along with the bottles in the front room ...