Sadness

Today I am sad because I havent heard from my potential new guy at all. I don;t know why. He hs been all over the discord server talking ot people on there and suh and I just dont know whats up. I was waiting and hoping to see if he would message me first today but he didnt message me at all. I can only. I know that part of this is my doing because i didnt message him at all either. I dont know what is up with Sunday and what we are doing officially. we are supposed to go swimming at his aparement and the wath movies. I know Ox was supposed to have a date but aftr the things she wront in th epoly thread in the discord i dont think hes going on a date anymore. He hasnt said anything to me about it so i dont know whats going on with that either. I feel wrong going on a date if he isnt going to go on one too. I dont know what to do about that either because this is all new territory for me. 

The things she rote out and the way people responded hurt me and made me feel bad but also they are things I know already about myself and despite what people think i am acvtively working on them but this is all so new to me and i hae just started my journey down my self healing path. This may not be the right time to try to jump into being poly but I alsi found a grat guy whom I think could be my forever person. He is so patient with me and my mental illness rap and i couldnt ask for more but he also will do edibles with me and he fucks me so good. yeah we hae some issues and i feel confident that we will be able to work through them because he actually listens to me when I tell him I hae an issue. This is something that I haent had before. Comsiderng that my last relationship was a toxic nightmare in the end, and lets be honest that throughout most oof it was but i wasnt strong enough to get out of it. 

I am just in my feels lright now and being sad and letting that happen because i need to feel my feels. sad music and all while i write this. I guess thats it or now.