Polyamory

 This shit is hard when your brain has been programmed to be monogomus. I am struggling with it because I am afrid I am going to loose Oz to someone else because he likes them better than me. I also want and need a lot of attention and I fear that explaining to new people that i need them to tell me they are busy at work in order for my brain not to spiral is going to be to much. I sure as fuck picked a grerat time to go ahead and try this shit, although I wasn't expecting to be homeless (technically) and have all my things in storage as well as my dog being boarded for 2 months and not having been able to have him for a total of 3 months. 


Thats one of the things that kills me and makes me so sad to think about. The reason I don't want to take him out for the day is because it will be so fucking hard having to turn him back in essentially.


I havent been in the mood to read my poly book but I really need to get back into it. I shoulfd have written down that thing that someone said in the discord because it made me see things differently but now that I cant remember what it was it is pointless. 


Also, I jsut want to sleep and have a normal ish life. Evverything is so up in the air and I really hate it. This is the first time in my life that I have had to search for a place to rent. Buying a place fell through because of a lot of BS and that is basically the univeres way of saying, "not right now"


I just ant to skip ahead to the good part, i am sick of this character building bull shit.

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