Panda

 This morning, since i woke up at 5:00 a.m. for no apparent reason, I went ahead and looked at the mistake i had done last week. I basically had 2 set of payments for the same week but on different calendar. I also ate a bowl of cereal, put sweat pants on and took the dog outside to pee, did said financial planning.  Later when it was time to wake Oz up, I went to the dentist and told them about the 2 problems I have and that they saw. Then Ischeduled a cleaning, went out to the waiting area and was called up to make 2 appointments. One with a dentist for the implant I need,one for the root canal and crown I need. That was followed by going to my regular doctor to talk about 4 health issues. I had to go to the morning-side house to water the plants, check on the dog, pick up all the dog poop, and grab some boxes and 2 pieces of furniture. They are still in the car because I didn't want to deal with it, that house makes me sad now. I have to mentally prepare to go there at like...

 There are so many things going on akll at once and i fdont know where to begin. I get one thing settled, my finascisl plsn for 2 months, and tyhen I have things like going to the house I used toi live in and got kicked out of where half my stuff is in limbo as well as my dog who i miss so freaking much. I dont have a place of my own and right now I am staying with my boyfriend at his moms place. I aam super gratedful for that and I really appreciate it  but I dont have a place for me to do what I want and to be able to hopefully set up my own routines and such.  looking into a MAnufactured Home is a nightmare when you have ADHD. Doing any kind of research sucks really. I feel ike a shitty 37 year old fauilure who cant even control her spending habots anough to save any money whats so ever. I literaly need saomeone else to be responsible for my finances and shit. Going as faqr as having my other boyfriend maybe lock and unlock my debiot card with my log in at the bank tha...

 So the shitload of shit behind the shit damn had hit the mega fan in full force and its everywhere. As soon as I get my shit out of that house I will technically be homeless. I dont know what to do with my dog. I have maybe 2 friends who can maybe take him and that right now is my biggest concern because :I have no answer for it. I can easily move all my things into a storage unit and call it a day. Since I will be saving on gas I can now put that towards a storage unit. I was planning on going tomorrow to get most of my shit out anyways but this just makes it worse. They didnt even have the decentcy to let me get my things out of their way. Like how the fuck would you feel if i went and touched your things while you werent home and kicked you out. This all just really sucks. Today has been kinda a shit show.  On top of all that i was in the middle of doing the intake form so that I can go to this specific therapist and then Oz fell to the ground and his ankle and wrist are f...

 I cant let anyo0ne know what really goes on inside my head. Like that right now I am having a lot of bad empotions and all I wwant to do is drink them away into oblivion where i keep all the other shit I dont want to deal with. the logical side of me knows I shoul;dnt do it and is winning the fight so far. I did however use a different substance... I have h a d 2 gummies in the paast hour. I tried calling a crisi centrer number buit he was tryuing to deflect me of onto somewhere else and i ddidnt want to go there. and besiodes that  i have to put my massk on so nobody will ever know how far down the rabit hole I am going. hell I dont even know anymore. Things seem to be getting w orse because I have actualkly had a thought about hurt8in g myself but I havent done so yet. I do it in mild ways with my blankey on my finger or my nose. Its all the satisfaction I can get right now because I am afraid what would happen if i were to actually self harm. I dont know what to do because...