just when things are coming together

 it all seems to fall apart. Thats how it feels anyways. I h ad pulled out 200 so i could put it into my partners bank to finally be caught up on my bills and such. Today when I went to harbor point to drop oz off at work and drop off the costumes i was going to go put the money in that bank. But I didnt have my atm card and the branch was closed. So later i go to get my perscriptions from kaiser and it comes out to be 100 dollars. the universe made sure i had money to get the pills. 


I dont know if it was befcause of that and or the fact tha oz texts me that the black widow charecter in DCA is not only super hot but she is super nice too and that threw me throuhg a loop. Whenever he says things like that to me it hits m e like a mac truck and make me think that maybe I am not cut out for this. I want to be because I know how much attention i require and or need.  i am supposed to do this exercise for poly therapy but i dont remebere what it is. i know i am supposed to seperate tyhe thought and the emotion but I dont klnow how to. I dont know how to identify emotions sometimes. its not like he said he was going to leave me or anything or even hinted at wantiong to go and do anythiong with her so why does it have to hit me so hard. why do i react like this/?


when it comes to finances and shit like a 100 dollar bill popping up out of nowhere i always get sad and cry and panic and i dont know how much of what i was feeling when oz told me what he did. I was thinking of asking him if there was anyone else besides that stupid fucking bitch. I dont even k now her real fucking name b ut i hate her and i dont want him to date her ever!!! 


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