Panda

All I ask is for you to just please be strong for me and tel me no when i need you to. It isnt that hard of a thing to do. I know im a stubborn ass. (i just fucking deleted everything i fucking tyoed!!!) i want you to be a fucking man. i want you to quit being so fucking soft!! ther is a time and a place for that shit! not all the fucking time. jesus christ!

I really do feel ashamed of my acitions sometimes. I do and don't know why I do certain things. Like sneaking the e cigs. I really just want a stress releaver. and that gives it to me. I feel bad because I am using someones without them knowing. I know its wrong but it sat ther for MONTHS and he wasn't using it so I, in a rage of being upset and stuff, grabbed it and started using it. I like the e cig. no one can tell that I am using it an I can use it in my house and no one know. Not even boyfriend who kissrs me can tell. I want to make things better in my life and not do some of the things I do but I just don't know. I want to be a better person. I sm such a weak person. that explains why I would make plans with one person and then blow them off if something funner came up. I was asked this weekend by Patrick if I was busy later that night or more specifically what time I had to go home at. I know he wanted to hang with Kelly and I know I didn't but I shouldn't ha...

I dont know how to even statrt when telling someone what I want. i have this horrible thing of thinking abput it forever and then i barely squeak it out. ihave to figure out why I am so afraid to ask for what I want. It hs been this way for all og my life. And then When i di try to express what i want i get told that i cant have it, which may be the reason why i dont want to ask for anything. i want kinky sex,, I want to be hit with objects. I want to feel the pain and the sting and maybe even, if i am hit hard enough, the pain aof the bruises long afte ihave been hit with things. i want to have a Dom/sub reltionship with theman I am wiht, i know noone can be perfect and I am not going to always get what i want, but that is something important to me. It is what i really truely desire in the beroom. That is why for a while there I just wasnt up for sex. i knew I wouldnt get the satisfaction i needed from it so why bothe. Yeah he would get his jollies off nd i would too but having just...