insecurity

 I was just getting used to the idea of my partner having 1 other partner. Nnow there is someone who wants to ge to tknow him and I dont know in what capacity but it is still bugging me an making me feel insecure. I should be sleeping right now but I can not get this out of my head. I did write it down for the next radar session we are going to have next monday I am trying not to freak out about it but i cant help it right now. definitely catastraphising the whole thing right now. I just want things to be steady for a while and I know by accepting this polyam stuff with him I kinda have to accept other possibilities but do i/?


I am sad. I just an things to be steady and easy for just one freaking second. I have done so much work to get here and I thought I would maybe catch a break.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

 Dear sister, You remeber that time that you said you weren't going to let me take advantage of mom and you said how I pick my friends over my family...? Ya wanna know why..? Because when I was a kid and I wanted to have my sister play with me during the summer swimming, playing cards, whatever, but you never wanted to. In fact I ended up playing uno by myself with my teddy bear. Yes I knew at the time how stupid it was and I knew all the cards in the hand but you know what; I DIDNT HAVE ANY ONE ELSE TO PLAY WITH!!!!! All you wanted to do was watch tv.  As we got over and you brought your friends arounf the house to hang out and I would hang out with you all because some of them were my friends too you would tell them "oh don't mind her, she's a scorpio". You would do this all of the time in front of me and them.  So explain to me how when those are the majority of a persons memories growing up with their big sister who was always a fucking jerk to them, why they ...
Read more

Mentally Unhealthy

 This past month has been super rough. $700.00 in bills that I avoided until just a few days before they were due. Figured out the number and took a loan.... all because I got covid and didnt work for 2 weeks. I feel lucky to have gotten some pay for what was missed but it was just to much I missed.  So for the past week or 2, alcohol blindness(like time blindness in ADHD people such as myself.), I have been using alcohol to drown out these feelings that I was haing. Mostly it was the stress of having to deal with it all and was I ok with not paying 4 credit cards at once or sucking it p and getting a loan. rando thought: I think the sudden death of my father has caused me to want to control everything even though I hate it but I have a need to know whats going to happen. this thought was brought to you by:  Me trying to plan out the next 2 weeks and when I will be at Oz's house and when I could have him out here.
Read more

thinking

 my mind is always wondering. There is always something going on inside of it.Or at least theats what it feels like. Tonight is no exception. I need to get off this one pill because I think it might be the cause of the food issues I have been having. I recently, like yesterday, figured out that i have a dry mouth as one of the side effects. I do not nkow which one right now but I did google things, cause google is "always" right lol.  This is the thing I hate. I am tired but not tired enough to go to sleep, Last night i ws up till 4 a.m. and only got about 4.5 hours of sleep. I feel that I have done pretty good today considering that. I watched some of The Walking Dead But then I was struck with the urge to clean my room so i did that. I fel great about that because the room isn't so cluttered. . Maybe tomorrow I will set up the play station and take a shower. I need to shower as well. damn it now i need to make a list of stuff to do tomorrow but also |I need to ice my ba...
Read more