Panda

 I was just getting used to the idea of my partner having 1 other partner. Nnow there is someone who wants to ge to tknow him and I dont know in what capacity but it is still bugging me an making me feel insecure. I should be sleeping right now but I can not get this out of my head. I did write it down for the next radar session we are going to have next monday I am trying not to freak out about it but i cant help it right now. definitely catastraphising the whole thing right now. I just want things to be steady for a while and I know by accepting this polyam stuff with him I kinda have to accept other possibilities but do i/? I am sad. I just an things to be steady and easy for just one freaking second. I have done so much work to get here and I thought I would maybe catch a break.

 So there is a SCK Halloween party this Sunday and Oz and I will be there and so will Sara, his potential new girlffriend. I am having some feelings about how thats going to go and how I am going to feel when he hugs and kisses on her and such. I think we need to have a talk as to what to expect when we are all 3 there. I feel like I need to be eased into the PDA between her and him. Maybe I will just look away.  Eventually I would like to get Carlos, my new potential bf, into the SCK server and see what he thinks of my friends and such.  I never would have thought being 37 and making new friends and going and hanging out with them and us having so much fun stuff in common. It baffles my mind that this has happened.

 So often I come here to let all the bad things out and while that is the main purpose of it all there are sometimes when I have good days like today. Met up with a friend and potential metamour for coffee to kind of sus out the situation between her and my bf. I came out of it feeling much better because of the real time she would have to offer him. It wouldn't take a whole lot away from the time we spend together which is somethinbg I think I need to be able to slip into the waters of polyamory. I feel good. I have a potential new partner which is nice and having Rolando back in my life as a sort of helper on this journey that I am on through polyam. Today has been nice because we did get to spend some nice quality time together and we started a new show, the bf and I. I feel good about that and like he listened to me about the quality time thing.  I wrote down some things for our RADAR meeting monday and I am super hopeful for the future. This si a good feeling and I really...