fuck today

 I don;t know if today could get more stressful... That is not a challenge universe!! 


Election day is here and while all the people who are voting blue I am sure are stressed that we may not win, cause that is a possibility, I am about at the top of where I can handle it. Granted I am trying to stay away from anything political on the facebook and I don't watch the new because well i am not old and i dont need that kind of daily negativity in my life. so much so that I cringe when anthony readfs me the news from online and I have to gingerly remind him to shut the fuck up cause I dont weant to hear about it at all. Unless it is something happy then ok. And that is miy right. But I digress....


Also..... the roomies decided to make a special apperance for no fucking reason as farf as I know to come to the house. This eternally pissed me off because not only of saturdays refusal to wear a mask and her only face covering being a fucking sheild, but also she was photographed recently no even wearing a face shield or mask with 3 other poeple who also were not wearing any kind of facial coverings!!!!! LIKE WTF DUDE!!! your blatant diregard for any body else not only pisses me off but it also put me and anthony in danger cause your a fucking moron who votes for a cheeto!!! AAAHHH!!!!  FUck you you fucking dumb ass sit retarded ass mother fucker!!! 


I fucking hate you with the firey passion of mordor!!!

And to make matters worse fucking anthony likes to fucking playcate to her and her bull shit. Please please please let her make some rude ass comment to me cause im gonna fire some shit back at her. Oh you want to make a comment aboput or ask about my finacial situation then im going to not answer yuou , CAUSE IYTS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, and I am going to inturn ask you how much money you have saved up for when the AC craps out or if you have gotten quotes and such for a new system you can make payments on. CAUSE FUCK YOU!!!  I FUCKING HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. YOU HAVE NO RESPECT OR ME OR ANYTHONY AND i FUCKING HATE YOU.      

They got me a present, I guess it's my birthday present...???, and its a fucking door mat that has a sarcastic statement of "oh its you again" pr some shit.... WTF!! one, we have a door mat that you fucking bought from costco, and two I really fucking hate it. Is that what you think of me? like wtf kind of bull shit gift is that shit!!! ugh!! It went immediately into t he donate pile cuse i really fucking hate it. Anthony just gave a rolling eyed kind of look when I said that and the thing isthat he does this shit to me all the time. He always triues to invalidate my feelings and you know what, fuck him for doing that. She treats THE BOTH OF US like shit and tries to fucking boss me around or like be my mother, I have one and she is great, and I dont fucking like you. ESPECIALLY, when you get drunk and admit to him that you only tolerate me because of him. You only fucking like him because he will bend to your will because he is a little bitch and cant stand up for himself figurativly and litterally. One of the things I do not like about him. Irritates the shit out of me. 


He has been bugging me a lot lately and I really want to work on my art things buit I also want to do it alone. He says he's posted up at the dining room so I have easier access to him but I do not think that is true. I wish he would go back into the office and just leave me be. I know I am aterrible person and I try not to be but sometimes I really just want to be left the fuck alone. Thank god his shit dont work so we cant even have kids or have to worry aout having kids. I would lke to have sex again but thats not going to happen cause he doesnt care to do anything that turns me on. He cant even keep hios nails trimmed or wash his hands on the regular. like fuck, come one dude. I ahve mentioned and asked you many many times to do these little things to help the situation at least. Then you caould atleast play with me and help me get off but NNNOOOOOO. I get that there is mental illness there and I get that that makes you not want to shower and shit. I really do get that cause sometimes I dont shower for like 7 days, but you need to use deodarent and you need to wash your nasty ass shit so you dont get jock itch!!! Not only do you not care enough about me to do these things but you also dont give a fuck about yourself. At what point is enough enough for you to care. Like do I have to break up with you to make you fucking see shit? I think I am slowly getting there cause I just am. You wont share me with anyone, and while I do understand that you also cant get things to work because your fucking sugars are out of control  all the fucking time. 


Like how do i have to be the one to remind the diabetic that you need to take your insulina nd you really shold be checking your fucking sugars before you take a dose because god forbid, although not likely, your low or whats called in range and you take a dose of 50 and I decide to go to a fast food poace that is far away and then you go into a low blood sugar come thing or whatever. but like seriously, how the fuck do I have to be the one to manahe your fucking disease!!!


I ws really trying not to drink today but I think I might. To much stress and shit going on. I am to angry and to hurt to do anything. 


I just want to fucking cry but I dont want to actually fucking cry..

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