Bomb dropped

 SO we finally got word on Oct 26th that we are both laid off. While this saddens me to no end there have been a muriad of emotions that come with it. Most of which are just general depression. I knoow I need to put more aplications in but right now I just dont care about anything aT ALL!!! I don't want to eat or drink anythong, I have beendrinking so much for a long time now that either it just isnbt enough, im not drinking it fast wnough or i have had to much food to eat before  I start drinking. It is kinda a bummer cause I still have an unopened discounted box (24?) pack of beer as well as what ever beer is left in the fridge between the heinekin and the guinness. I also have 2 botttles of margarita mix as well as and impulsed bout , FREAKING YEATERDAY!!!, bottle of cocnut rum. Well I guess I sghould have said this first but I have decided to go sober for November. So theres that. I also think it may help my mental health a bit. 


I want to start fresh and start eating healthy, drink more water and maybe try to loose some wieght. I have bought a lot of clothing while being at home and some of it I have not had a chance to wear yet simply because I haven't really left the house. 


I did start the morning off with eating a bowl of honey bunches of oats instead of the fruity pebbles I have, although that willl need to get eaten just simply to get it out of the pantry and such. Part of me want to eat the steaks that are defrosting in the sink right now for dinner but then part of me knows that I have to go to target, maybe today, to get the stuff i ordered and Chipotle is right there. I could do things like not get sour cream or queso and get extra veggies and lettuce and that would be better. Maybe a small queso instead of the large and such. 

I do find it terribly ironic that my bithday is on wendesday and I have decided to go sober for the month. There aren't any real consequemces if i dont stay sober for the whole month but this has all just been a lot lately. The fact that I dont want to eat or cook is a major thig I need to change. 


I did cook breakfast for us yesterday, eggs and some summer sausage. That was the whole reason I wen tot costco was to get some eggs so I can start making myself some food in the a.m. and see if that helps. 

I still have yet to cry about the whole lay off thing and I know I need to to I just simply dont want to. There hasn't been a convenient time to do so which is really annoying as well. 


Today I had tried to drink the freakiong DTE that I paid for but the flavor is just awful to me. I have tried it in milk and water and i just hate it. Anthony said I should try to contact them and see if there is anything they are willing to do for me and I think I will try to do that. It is so bad!!!

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