Panda

Today I worked in Rancho which of course made me think of xander. i once read somewhere that you dont miss the person you were once with but you miss the way you felt with them. Xander and I had an interesting relationship. We met in person and he intruduced me to his fetish lifestyle. i loved it. i like and have always liked being tied down and tld what to do. I have also had a very high threshold for pain. I dont know what it is but i do. I loike when he hit me with his toys while i was tied up. He got a collar for me and a name tag on it and I got to wear it while we had our play times. I really really enjoyed m self. Which makes me wonder why I want that. What makes me want a man to beat me in a safe and san environment. I wish there was someone I could talk to about all this and figure out why this is what I like. needless to say Xnder got some really bad news and basically left me hanging. I was getting things fulfilled with him that Ihad never had a chance to do before. I wish...

i have recently decidded that i want to try running. i knew it would be hard but that first day is whe i realized how hard it would be. i cant run so well or even jog really. but i can walk and i can do about 2 miles. today was really hard because both of my knees were hurting and i am getting over a cold.

In mid January I finally made the decision that I was going to work towards running. I figured that eventually I can do it. So I contacted my aunt who was running a walk to run course at her church. I decided to join in on week number two. I tried to do the run for two minutes and walk for one. The combination of my knee brace and  my fat ass not really even walking a whole lot led to me walking the rest of the course. Patrick was there to push me and make me try to run. I was shocked that he wanted to go do this with me. I knew he was trying to get in shape for his own reasons and had joined a gym and has a nutritionist now. He is going extreme in my opinion, but then again he wouldn't be Pat if he didn't do it like that. He and I have gone for three weeks now, I think, or is it two. Well I couldn't even think about running last week because I had got a cold the Thursday before, we "run" on Saturday's, and so I just walked. which was fine because I was breath...

I am so fucking sick of my sister telling me what to do with my god damned cat. I fucking hate it. You can go fuck yourself you job less loser! Fuck off. DOnt fucking talk about me touching your shit when you do the same fucking thing to me. Dont move my god damned towel. Fuck you and your double standard bull shit! I fucking hate it. Dont tell me im a dissapointment of a sister. So are you. Your a fucking asshole loser bitch. Go get a real job amne  learn to deal with people and a crappy job like the rest of us. You sit at home not doing shit all day but playing with you cat and your computer. How the fuck are you supposed to get a ne computer when you dont have a source of income. But wait thats right, you do have one source. You send hours doing a fucking survey or two to et 5 bucks because you cant get a fucking job. or should i say wont because you cant learn to keep your trap shut and be polite and deal with people. I dont want to ttalk to you and so what if i dont sya bye ...