Panda

 That is what is head of me right now. My mind is wondering and racing and I am sad and depressed. Not only for my mothers diagnosis but because I thought I found this wonderful guy but turns out it isn't what I thought and had hoped it would be. it seems that no matter how clearly you communicate what you want and need in a relationship you won't get it. That is something that boggles my mind because it is kind of like making a deal. You each say what you what and need out of the relationship and you're like "yeah, ok. I can do that" but then one of you can't because of your home life and then the other, me, feels abandoned again which was the whole point of starting all of this.      So now I sit here feeling bad because yes obviously I want my mother to live a long and happy life and have her remain as independant as she can be for as long as she can be but the weight is bearing down on me. This shit is going to be hella fucking hard and as much as I try no...

 Well as of the second my 72 year old mother has been officially diagnosed with Dementia. It is literally one of my worst fears coming to fruition. This is something I am coming to terms with. I am trying to tackle it as best I can by controlling the things I can control and figuring out the rest as I go. Making plans to make lists and such is how I am handling it.      I had already taken over her medication and how she takes it because the way she was doin it was a nightmare and gods know if she was actually taking them. So at least now we know if she did or not. Making it a routine to have them on the counter for her in the morning for when she wakes up.      routine is going to be the name of the game from now on. I want to try to get her to get into the habit of maybe walking for 30 minutes a few times a week to start. I also need to tackle the food that she is eating as that is also supposed to help but for right niw I am just working o...