Impedning doom

 

 Note that if someone out there is actually reading this: I just write the way I do to get things out so there are spelling and punctuation errors and I am ok with that.

 

 Threr are so many thing slooming over my head right now and its all driving me nuts. I can't concentrate on anythoing. I am trying to read a book and my thoughts drift... although that could just be my tendency. 

The biggest thing tright now is that the roomies are coming home. And there are going to beso many things that will irritate me. I am trying to be poditive about it all but the reality comes shooting back to me any time I talk with saturday in a text exchange. Her problems with me are that I let my dog in but then I dont stay in the room and so he bugs her and such but then if i were to play with my dog how we do then her dogs are going to get all barky and bullshit. So that is one reason I can give her, that isnt a lie, as to why I don't hang out in the living room. Threr are 2 other reasons one of which being I don't really like to wear a whole lot of clothing. I am more comfortable and less warm in that fashion. Obviously when they are home I can't do that in the house like i like to do. For instance this morning I came out to the living room in just my underwear to get dressed because anthiony was using the restroom. ALso i don'[t want to be in the living room when they are because randall watched stupid ass shit on the tv and then she just tends to pester me with questions which only leads to me getting more and more pissed. 

I h ave tried to have talks with myself and tried to think things will be positive but then I just know that she isnt going to change and I just have to deal with her. It is particularly frustraing because she thinks she need to change me and I do not like that at all and have told her that she's not going to. If anything I want to say things to her but I have to watch my tone and things I say with her because we live in her house with out a rental agreement. She says she woudl never kick us out and that we are friends but then again you dont shit on everything about your friends. Just because you dont like it doesnt mean that its wrong. It just means that you are unaccepting of someone elses different point of view or what makes them happy. Truely I am not doing anything harmful and i am happier in my room watching or listening to whatever I want. Also When I do watch things in the front room she has to talk about the shit I am watching and I really just dont  want to engage anything with her. Especially after she has said to anthony that she only tolertates me because of him. Like WTF. How are you going to claim to be my firend and then go say shit like that behind my back. Just becasue I live here does not mean that I have to be your friend. 

Maybe take a step back and understand that I do have a mental illness or two and try to accept who I am with it. Don't try to fucking change me!!! Cause your shitty way that you want me to be isnt right for me. 

it isnt my fault that you have no firends your age because you think you need to save the world and the elderly. 

I would be more inclided to do things for ted and mary if she hadn't basically demanded it get done. Guess what! MAry has family and they can also tend to her. Especially when I worked 2 fucking jobs and had to maintane the house and such while you people were away vacationing. The sheer fact that i got our trash on a biweekly basis was amaxzing for me., but then again we also don't produce as mch trash as they do when they are home. I do not know why that is. its a very wierd thing. Even the recycling is more when they are here. 

I am so glad that i was able to go through everything we have and get rid of a decent aamount of things but the re pack and put things in storage. I am so glad that this pandemic has afforded me many thing sincluding paying off my debt to less than half of what it was. My car is paid off as part of that. It really is amaxing!! and even though the EDD still owes me like 3500 i have stillbeen able to do so much for myself. At first it was the fact that I was finally ablke to go through the boxes in the opffice and get all my craft stuff organized and all together in the diffrent catergories I have. 

REcently I went to make a craft for a friend and I was able to just grab the glitter, glue, and paint i needed for it as well as the scrapbook paper. ALthough I do thingk I am going to need a placstic tub for just the scrapbook halloween stuff and then just the christmass stuff as well. I really need to get a bunch of the black 12x12 sheets and find all the ticket stubs and such that we have from the movies over the years togehter. It is such a silly little thing but it is something that we have done since we started dating. 

It got ramped up even more so when we founf the cheap thater in MOVAL and THEN even mroe so when we found out they had dollar fifty showing all day on sundays! Thats one thing I miss about before pandemic life. We would go to the movies almost every week deopending on what came out that week. It was such a great time!! 

This pandemic has been such a breath of fresh air for me becuase of the whole 2 jobs for about 5 years thing. That shit rteally wears and tears on all poarts of a person. Being able to stay up as late as I want and or wake up wheneever I want has been great. I can make a mess of things that I am going through and I ahve the time to do so. I have the time to take a break when I feel depressed and bury myself in a comforing show like friends or the fisrst 6 seasons of gilmore girls (LOL). I really love a year in the lkife as well but hwne they swotched directors for the 7th season it just doesnt traqck as well as it would have with the OG writer and direcotor duo. 

I do feel bad for so many people who are put there struggling with the pandemic and like my fiend Ash who havent even been paid for unemployment because of some technical bullshit. Im over here havong a grand ole time and paying things off and getting a huge mental break and people are out there suffering. I try not to bring it up to much cause it makes it feel llike I ma bragging and such.