dissociation trigger

Today has been a wierd day. I have to do my homework for the week but i can not seem to bring mself to do so. It seems so much harder than when I had to draw the fruit last week. 

Wgile taking one of MANY breks or avoidance I read an article on The Mighty on FB. This one happened to mention dissociation. So I went and looked it up. Turns out that because of childhood neglect and or trauma (IE my father passing away when I was 11). The disturbing, for me part, was the fact that the articles I kept reading were mentioning things about chilhood sexual abuse which isn't the first time it has been brought to my attention in a manner of speaking. 

One time when I was in on of my  many therapy sessions i was describing somehting to the lady and she rndomly asks if I was sexually abused as a child. I told her no that I knew of.... But it has always left this question on the back of my mind.... needless to say those articles did not help. 

So back to today. Ihave been struggling to do anything really and I kind of just want to cry at the stupidest things. It probably is a hormonal thing combined witht he fact that All I want to do is go to a coffee shop and just chill there. I want to get out of the house!!! This whole pandemic thing is driving me crazy finally. 

Sure I could go to Kasey's and chill. Even Isabel has invited me over but honestly I am just not in the mood for her energy. Shit even yesterday I didn't want to go to any type of 4th of July celebration. I had been feeling intriverted a few days before about the whole thing and since Anthony didn't want to go then I was definetely not going to go. I know i would have had some fun but I also have a hard time making myself go home. It is just funner to be out.

I sort of just want to cry a whole lot. I have to finish my homework. But I really dont want to do it. 

FUCKME!!!!

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