No escape from realitry
There are times when I go to the movies and they make me depressed. i don't know why I get so emotionally into the movie, it just happens. i am sad now, although I think I have been depressed for awhile now. I don't want to sleep at night and waking up is becoming harder and harder. There is alot on my mind and I don't know where to begin.
How about when anthony corrected me when I had corrected a cast member on congratulating us on getting married. I told him we hadn't but that we would one day and I thanked him for his well wishes to which anthony told me that he just says thank you and moves on. I don't know if we are going to get mrried. He has taken the babies step towards this in getting a shit job at a shit amusement park who shuts down all the god damn time. He needs to be looking for a better job but who knows what he is doing during the day while he watches the dog. Oh yeah I do know. He is siting there playing video games watching stupid youtube videos and bull shitting around with the roommates. And YES I want a nice ring that isnt a cheap piece of shit. No it doesnt have to cost thousands of dollars but a decent ring would be nice! I think i deserve it after everything I have done. I work my self to illness in a regular basis. I buy what I want and I stress myself out about the bills. I just don't care about the other things other than buying things to make me happy. I know I have a problem and I have thought about getting help but there goes more time away from anthony and then he gets upset. so I can't do that.
I wish to be happier in life but working at a shitty glass company is not helping. I want to work there less because I find that I am happier when I am not there. I can't talk to mi supposed partner about things that are oimportant without getting his tiny man feelings hurt. God forbid i am used to a certian level of being taken care of andf have been doing a good job at taking care of THE BOTH OF US! What have you done? I can't even get you to take the god damn laundry into the room during a 6 hour day away from you! How fucking hard is it to carry a god damned basket into the room. Whatever! I will just have to walk out shirtless and shoeless because all the clean shit is in the fucking laundry room. fuck it! I want more free time. I want to be able to sit at home ALL DAY and do nothing, just do what pleases me.
Yeah I am tired and it is 10 42 p.m. and I have to go work both jobs tomorrow, but I dont want to go to bed. I just dont want to go to sleep. I hate depression because it makes me to tired to do anything that i really do enjoy doing. Can't knitt because I am to tired to do so. I don't do my planner because I am to tired. hell now I have a new tense shoulder thing that happens. It imobilizes me and my neck. All these health problems that I kep having because of all the shit I am going though mentally. My back is so naughted up its not even funny.
You take shit I do and say to heart to easily. you can't buy me things because why again? oh thats right because the piddlywiks you get from your job we spend on bull shit like food. Yeah here and there I need you to get things because I am in between paychecks and waiting for the next one to come in. I am fine with buying the food.
I dont want to leave him I just want him to have more motivation to make a better life forhim and I. I dont know if after 4 years it will stick. 4 years is 1/8 of my life right now. How much longer do I have to wait for him to man up and get his adult ass in gear?
How about when anthony corrected me when I had corrected a cast member on congratulating us on getting married. I told him we hadn't but that we would one day and I thanked him for his well wishes to which anthony told me that he just says thank you and moves on. I don't know if we are going to get mrried. He has taken the babies step towards this in getting a shit job at a shit amusement park who shuts down all the god damn time. He needs to be looking for a better job but who knows what he is doing during the day while he watches the dog. Oh yeah I do know. He is siting there playing video games watching stupid youtube videos and bull shitting around with the roommates. And YES I want a nice ring that isnt a cheap piece of shit. No it doesnt have to cost thousands of dollars but a decent ring would be nice! I think i deserve it after everything I have done. I work my self to illness in a regular basis. I buy what I want and I stress myself out about the bills. I just don't care about the other things other than buying things to make me happy. I know I have a problem and I have thought about getting help but there goes more time away from anthony and then he gets upset. so I can't do that.
I wish to be happier in life but working at a shitty glass company is not helping. I want to work there less because I find that I am happier when I am not there. I can't talk to mi supposed partner about things that are oimportant without getting his tiny man feelings hurt. God forbid i am used to a certian level of being taken care of andf have been doing a good job at taking care of THE BOTH OF US! What have you done? I can't even get you to take the god damn laundry into the room during a 6 hour day away from you! How fucking hard is it to carry a god damned basket into the room. Whatever! I will just have to walk out shirtless and shoeless because all the clean shit is in the fucking laundry room. fuck it! I want more free time. I want to be able to sit at home ALL DAY and do nothing, just do what pleases me.
Yeah I am tired and it is 10 42 p.m. and I have to go work both jobs tomorrow, but I dont want to go to bed. I just dont want to go to sleep. I hate depression because it makes me to tired to do anything that i really do enjoy doing. Can't knitt because I am to tired to do so. I don't do my planner because I am to tired. hell now I have a new tense shoulder thing that happens. It imobilizes me and my neck. All these health problems that I kep having because of all the shit I am going though mentally. My back is so naughted up its not even funny.
You take shit I do and say to heart to easily. you can't buy me things because why again? oh thats right because the piddlywiks you get from your job we spend on bull shit like food. Yeah here and there I need you to get things because I am in between paychecks and waiting for the next one to come in. I am fine with buying the food.
I dont want to leave him I just want him to have more motivation to make a better life forhim and I. I dont know if after 4 years it will stick. 4 years is 1/8 of my life right now. How much longer do I have to wait for him to man up and get his adult ass in gear?
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