I feel bad, but oh well, i'll get over it....*shrug*

I miss blogging. It helped me to get alo t of things out without fear of it being read. Although there was one time i guess i left it open and anthony read it and he didnt day anything for a couple of years. He just lives in fear of when I am going to leave him. (this isnt starting where I thought is would) I dont know if its a phase I am going through, the word going through my head is repulsed, but i am just grossed out by him. I dont know how often he showers. His reasoning, which i sorta understand, for not showering on the regular is bevcause he is at home all day not doing enything and not going anywhere so why shower.  Maybe that would be ok if her were to wear the deodarant i bought him but he doesnt because he doesnt want to wasite it if he isnt going out. He smells like B.O all the time. his legs smells because of the leg thing he has to wear to wear his prothetic leg. I get it, you sweat a lot. but if youd wash the damn things more often then it wouldnt be a fucking isue that they all smell and you smell because you wear them and dont wash yourself or them on a regular basis. Maybe I should just start washing them in the morning and se if there is a difference. I get it that It is a pain in the ass for him to shower. I need him to get a job becasue he needs to eat properly and then his health will get better. And so what If i uhave him make all the food. you are he one who is home 24 hours a day. whats the big deal!! I wish I could stay at home all day and just knit and watch shows and movies. But nooooo. I work 50 hours a week and am going CRAZY! i wish he would get 2 jobs and i could stay at home. Hell one job for the both of us would be great! these are all thing i thin k about but I can not say because I dont know how to say them with out hurtin ghis feelings. he can be so sensitive at times. ugh!