boyfreind

Sometimes there are just certian things that annoy me. i hate when he takes unnessacery jabs at me. they hurt. everything last night go so screwed up its so stupid. i was voicing my concerns about going to ren fair on a whim and with no money, and all he says is im being negative. well yeah because everything isnt sunshine and lolipops! that how he thinks everything should be. "there is always something positive to think about" in his words. I dont think he really does realize what it is to be weighted down by debt. i was getting out of debt and paying things off. And then I went and broke my kitens leg. She fell out of my arms/ i dropped her because she was freaking out. i miss here terribly. not having her here is driving me nuts. I want he bak. She is my comforter when I have noone, and sometimes that includes not having boyfriend. He doesnt want to talk about htings in the heat of the monent he just weants to talk later. but by then i know i wont want to talk about it beause then there will be another fight about all of it. he would call that negative but I call that being ralistic. if whe were fighting about it before then we will end up fighting about it again. I dont understand why he wants to date me and marry me if there are so maynthings that i do that he doesnt like. he is NOT into to fetlife scene like i thought he would be and like i thought he said he would try. He wants me to cudle him and carress him more. SOmethimes i wonder if he is too lovey dovey petting me to much which is why i want to pull away from him when he does. maybe it is just to much atention. i didnt think there was such a thing. i think we need to sit down and talk and discuss things like we ned to let eachother know when one person is doing something that the other doesnt like and realise they are doing. I feel like i have bee ostrisized from the group because of what i did in the stupid game. Its a stupid freaking game. I dont like it and i suck at it. I am not role playing type of person. You people like it so why cant i sit ther and watch you play and occasionally comment on things. Its not a big freaking deal.!!! I wasnt even asked to pay the warcraft game. I was made a charecter to play. He assumed thatI was going to play,m he did not ask me. So i tried and things were going okay. He NEVER said he had a problem with me sitting there knitting. Yeah he would ask what my charecter is doing but i dont know what the fuck to do in fucking warcraft!! i dont know wnaything about the fucking game itself other then the tiny tidbits of whatever he showed me when he plays. Obviously i am not interested in itso why fucking force it. No i dont want to go to the toy store and watch you look at shit you and i cant buy. I dont care about toys.,. I dont care about legos. i dont want to drive to go to frank and sins because its fucking far and i dont have the money to be spending on the gas to get there, i would rather be here and eat something tasty fo 20 bucks then go lok at magic the gathering cards and comics and stupid figureines for stupid games i have no interst in. I cant even be bothered to fake interest in that shit. I dont want to walk raround for no reason. i dont see whats so wrong with him going ang looing at that shit while i sit there and read or knit. WHATS THE BIG FUCKING DEAL! you are doing what you want and i get to do whatever i want. I am still there i am just simply not interested in seeing anything there. YOu dont have to do shit with me ever again. I wont invite you to fetlife shit ever again and i will pull myself out of it all and bottle eveything up. I will never be fully satisfied.